tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2512385148132614842024-03-05T05:12:39.934-08:00Just Another Beautiful DisasterA free tour of the workings of my mind. Held daily as time and creativity permit. CAUTION: Tour may lead from deep end of the thought pool to the kiddie pool of pontification, but mostly lands somewhere in the middle.(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-19081303024796040002011-04-15T11:56:00.001-07:002011-04-15T12:23:26.386-07:00Recliner Chronicles: Bedrest, Day 9I have learned a lot of things the last 9 days, both about myself and the world in general. Turns out that having to WORK for a living really deprives you of all the up-to-the-minute details of what's going on in the world.<br /><br />I have learned that Maury is, in fact, NOT a one-trick pony. Yes, he can still be counted on to identify your baby daddy from the 11 choices you brought to New York for testing, but about once a week he will also offer a lie detector to see if your Significant Other **really** took those scandalous pics of himself to send to you and not some other... er... girl.<br /><br />My dogs REALLY think that everytime I leave the room, I'm gone forever.<br /><br />You can alleviate tailbone pain by creating and adhering to a strict buttockal rotation schedule (center, right cheek, center, left cheek, center, right sidelying, center, left sidelying). This works for 3 hours. After that, Tylenol and a change of furniture are your only options.<br /><br />Pick a show... any show. It's still on somewhere at some time of the day. And it's far worse than you remember.<br /><br />My iPhone lives to suck up to me so I keep paying the exorbitant fees required to maintain it. I haven't lost a game in 8 days... there's NO way I'm that much of a Cribbage Rockstar.<br /><br />Reality TV looks more real all the time.<br /><br />I'm far more picky than I thought. When I take care of myself, I just know to toss my salad with the dressing if I expect me to eat it, not to pour my soda over ice if I expect me to drink it, and for the love of all that is good butter my toast, but only put jelly on half of it. When other people are taking care of you and you have to say all these things out loud, it makes you sound high maintainance... even to yourself.<br /><br />I haven't had a Nutter Butter in 15 years. I like them.<br /><br />When going to the bathroom is the only reason you're supposed to get up, you stay very well hydrated :).<br /><br />All that junk on QVC is starting to look really good... I never realized how versatile a velour jumpsuit can be.<br /><br />The fine people at peopleofwalmart.com have now brought us several more websites... and they're every bit as awe-inspiring as the original concept.<br /><br />And just think... I still have about 11 more days to go! Oh, the things I can learn!!(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-1363714569452733912011-04-08T18:56:00.000-07:002011-04-08T19:47:46.124-07:00Bigger Than the BoogiemanI will start by saying, as great as it sounds in the middle of a fatiguing workday, bedrest inhales profusely. I'm not sick, really not tired, just... in bed. I have bathroom "priviledges," although there comes a point in pregnancy when the bathroom is not a priviledge... it's a necessity. So for 48 hours now, my entire world has been encompassed in about a 15 foot circle. And the light at the end of my 15 foot tunnel is about 2 weeks away... But it's OK. As stir crazy as I already am (and will be SO much more so if I don't get to go home on Monday), it's for a greater cause. Not necessarily one that I understand right now, but I know I will see it clearly one day. <br /><br />I don't think this is about Jonah, not really. Like so many other moments in my life, I think this is about Rebecca. This is about Rebecca taking control, mastering her own destiny, worrying. This is about Rebecca creating too much noise in her own life to Be Still.<br /><br />I've had time to look back over the last week, and it's incredible to be able to see the hand of God in ending up where we are right now. So many little details, meaningless individually, adding up to preparation for what we never saw coming.<br /><br />After spending months in no particular hurry to get things done in the nursery, we have, in a week's time textured the wall, painted the room, and bought, cut, painted, and hung chair rail. We also finished buying all the furniture in the last week, though we haven't put it together because the room wasn't finished.<br /><br />After spending months poking around at getting things organized for maternity leave, I maniacally spent the beginning part of this week finishing spreadsheets, updating folders, and organizing materials. I still didn't get everything finished, but I had things in such an order that I was able to tell someone else how to finish getting things where others could find them.<br /><br />On a whim one day this week I happened to ask Casey what the best way to find him in the middle of a work day was. Two days later I had to do it. <br /><br />On Tuesday, my little boy stopped his usual activity level. I was busy, so I didn't notice. I hurt, but I was busy and didn't listen to my body. I became very ill and was in alot of pain, but I was busy and didn't pay attention. By Wednesday, I became aware enough of his decreased movement to become concerned, and instantly I knew in my gut that I needed to be checked out. After what was likely the longest 20mile drive of my life, I sat down in Dr. Wagman's waiting room. Not 5 mintues later, Jonah resumed his normal movement and hasn't stopped since. God used this little punk of a boy to get me where I needed to be at that moment. I didn't pay attention to my body, but I listened to him. He was (and is) perfect. I needed to Be Still.<br /><br />God is definitely bigger than the boogieman. Louder than the noise, the worry, the control we think we wield over our own lives. I'm completely out of control here. I have no idea when I'm going home, when I'm going to deliver this little one, how we're going to survive without the pay I'm about to get docked. But He's bigger than panic or a paycheck. I just need to Be Still.(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-81623417703254126092011-04-07T04:24:00.000-07:002011-04-07T04:55:08.215-07:00Are We There Yet?Yesterday I got up, joked with Casey that we should call in, and went to work anyway. I had 6 weeks of work left before I took off to welcome Jonah. By 7:30 last night I was sitting in a hospital bed for who knows how long. What a difference a day makes.<br /><br />Midday I really started to notice that Little One just hadn't been nearly as active as usual. I started thinking back and realized that he'd been abnormally mellow on Tuesday, too, so I called Dr. Wagman's office to see when I should worry. By 3:15 I was in her office watching my fully breech, fully active little man pulling one of his favorite stunts... being non-compliant. Strong-Willed Fetus Syndrome is a thing, and my child definitely has it. So Jonah wasn't in trouble... what IS going on? One helter-skelter trip to the high-risk perinatologist later, I was standing in admitting processing that no, as a matter of fact. I would not be going home.<br /><br />Why are we here? Apparently Jonah is both non-compliant AND persuasive and has talked my body into helping prepare for his arrival a little too early. My cervix is 17 mm and funneling instead of the 40 and straight it should still be at this point. Upon interrogation, it seems that I've likely been having contractions (mild and painless) for several weeks. Because they weren't particularly uncomfortable and I'd never done this before, I had no idea what was going on.<br /><br />So the plan, as best I know it until Dr. W comes and tell me otherwise, is to stay here. In this bed. With a view of the DART rail station. We don't know how long. Based on her past patients of Dr. W's (and a late night phone call where she was told I'd be here for "a couple of more weeks"), me nurse seems to believe that I'll likely be here until 34 weeks (8 more days) or beyond. Delivery isn't imminent, but I have to be on bedrest until we're in the "safe" zone (techinically closer to 35 weeks, but 34 will do). He's had steroids to boost his lungs, so if it's sooner rather than later, that's one fewer thing to worry about.<br /><br />So my plans, once again, made God laugh. But I'm very thankful that He used a 4lb. 8oz. (ish) little boy to make ME listen and to keep us safe. I'll update as a know more, but frankly I'm OK with there being no action on this particular front!(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-1689653962814347552011-03-19T15:40:00.000-07:002011-03-19T16:22:57.837-07:00My Teacup ListTwo years ago right now, I was completely, 100% single. One year ago right now, I was pouring all my energy into wedding planning. Right now... well we all know where I am. <br /><br />Yes... I move quickly. Let's move on :-).<br /><br />Last week, Casey and I were standing outside the Bellagio in Las Vegas, when the guy next to us at the railing announced that seeing the Fountains of Bellagio at night was on his bucket list. Now, I can't think of a single thing I want to experience in my life that's set to "My Heart Will Go On," but he made me think. I'm not making a bucket list... I feel like my life has only just begun (finally!!) and I intend to delight in it all for a really long time.<br /><br />But there's that little matter of Jonah. In right around 10 weeks (give or take... it's really up to him!), he will usher in a new life for me. So before my time, my choices, my actions cease to belong pretty much solely to me, I'm making a mini bucket list. I call it "My Teacup List." I figure one a week oughtn't be TOO hard... right?? So between the nesting, the planning, the all consuming baby prep, Momma wants to take care of a few things.<br /><br />1) Finish a book. I'm very embarrassed to admit that the last book I read all the way through was "Breaking Dawn." About 2 years ago. Since then, I've started several... most of which had the word "Shopaholic" in the title... but never manage to budget time to get through them. This book CANNOT be "The Mother of All Baby Books" which I recently started in a sheer panic when I realized that I'm not worried about RAISING children... I have no clue how to keep them alive.<br /><br />2) Take a long, semi-hot bath. Not too hot, of course, because my body doesn't really belong to me right now. But a nice, long, soaking bath would be nice. The problem with this is that I don't have a bathtub I can fit into, so I may have to road trip to my mother's or rent a hotel room. <br /><br />3) Have a date night with my hubby that doesn't involve Papa John's and RedBox. Not because we're cheap, but because there has been a marked decrease in energy the past, oh, 30 weeks :). Sometimes I think back and remember that we got married because we actually genuinely enjoy each other, and I want to make sure we don't forget that between the decisions and the projects and the day-to-day-ness of life.<br /><br />4) Get a massage and a pedicure. I can practically hear my OB clucking at me from here, but MAN my feet are wrecked. While this doesn't bother me while I'm up and moving, which is most of the time, when I do stop, look down, notice my swollen ankles, and sit down, I'm feel sorry for the poor guys. As for the massage, I'll just never say no to that!<br /><br />5) Have a date night with my hubby that doesn't involve Papa John's and RedBox. I know I just said that, but the more I think about it, the more important it seems :-).<br /><br />6) Host a gathering of some sort. Most of you know that I LOVE to have people over. I haven't done it in ages because.. well... my house has been a garage sale staging area for close to a year now. Just can't clean around that. Still... it's my love, and taking care of people is strangely relaxing for me. <br /><br />7) Make a wedding album. For some reason, my obsession right now (besides hot dogs for whatever inexplicable reason) is to finally get wedding pictures printed and framed. Then I realized that we don't even have a wedding photo album. That's on my hit list. I want to be able to sit down and remember that day without having to sit at my computer and open iPhoto.<br /><br />8) Spend a day on the couch in my pajamas and not feel even a little bit guilty. Maybe re-watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy again. I know there will be many, many days this summer where I don't get out of my pajamas, but those days will be about Jonah, about meeting his needs, about bonding as a family. I just want one day where I can kill the nesting bug, not care if the dishes are dirty, the laundry's folded, or there's junk mail on the coffee table, and enjoy it.<br /><br />9) Take a day trip. Go to the lake, have a picnic, see something. Or nothing. I'll be pretty much home bound in a few short weeks, so breathing fresh air and focusing on nothing instead of everything is in order.<br /><br />10) Count my blessings. The last two years... Busy? Yes. Insane? For some. Incredible? No doubt. God has blessed my life far beyond what I'd hoped, and infinitely more than I have deserved. I know that parenting, like marriage and like singleness before it, will bring days of unspeakable joy. Of intangible sorrow. Of having to place my son, may family, myself in God's hands over and over and over again. But bitter or sweet, each day will be incredible.(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-54477207988225892792011-03-01T14:29:00.000-08:002011-03-01T15:15:53.787-08:00Notes From the UnderbellyDoes anyone else remember that show? I remember liking it, but then it disappeared into that vortex that seems to crave mid-season sitcoms. Just came back to me while I was scanning my brain for titles :).<br /><br />So, 27.5 weeks have come and gone. 12.5 to go until due day. Let's not dwell on that now.... I have a carseat and a lot of onesies, a quarter painted and three-quarters textured room, and a borrowed swing. If I think about it, I'll feel overwhelmed, and I'm SO not in the mood for that today :-).<br /><br />No... today's locomotive of pontification centers around things I've learned or noticed in these nearly 28 weeks.<br /><br />1) I don't like people as much as I used to. I don't really have any explanation or anecdotes to go with this, it just occurred to me today that I wish a little more every day that I had any sort of technological aptitude so I didn't have to deal with them all the time. I've found myself backing out of relationships that were parasitical, budgeting time with people who have only negativity to share, and wanting to run screaming from anyone with parenting advice... especially those who have parented children I in no way want to replicate. Maybe I SHOULD listen to their advice, actually... <br /><br />2) I miss pants with zippers. They have a way of holding in all of my abdomen's dirty little secrets and making it look like it's not so bad. I keep waiting for my belly to move from it's present "baby muffin-top" status to regular "baby belly" status and pick up the abdominal slack. So far no luck. Having said that, I can practically hear people lining up to bring to me to my next point...<br /><br />3) I have grown to hate the words "just wait" more than any phrase in the English language. My real beef here is that they almost ALWAYS come after someone asks how I'm doing. Whether my answer is positive or negative, the reply almost always begins with the words "just wait." "Just wait until you can't tie your own shoes." "Just wait until he's sitting so low you can't walk." "Just wait until you HAVE that baby belly that takes up all the abdominal slack." "Just wait until he's born... you'll be more busy/get less sleep/have less money than you ever dreamed." I do realize that all women have the need to share the pregnancy experience, and at it's root I find this charming and a truly precious connection. The reality of it is that a) I just answered the questions I was asked... I didn't ask how I'd feel in 6 weeks, and b) I don't want to anticipate misery. I'm not always comfortable, but I'm determined to not always be negative about it. I have to be pregnant 12-14 more weeks (PLEASE not 14, Lord!!), and I want to continue to enjoy the last few weeks alone with my precious husband in our comfy little life... even if that life now includes a large c-shaped body pillow and a belly wedge.<br /><br />4) Everyone has the best way to raise children, and any way in which you disagree is harming your child. I have been a middle-class, Caucasian, reasonably Conservative evangelical church-going Christian for most of my life and have traveled in the same circles, and never in my life have I experienced what I've seen, heard, and read since I've been pregnant. The dogma and propaganda is real, and it's passionate. Crunchy parents have no problem telling Creamy parents they're bad parents by not co-sleeping, not nursing until the kiddo's in kindergarten, not wearing their child on their stomach 24/7, by vaccinating, or for (**gasps**) having to go back to work to keep a roof over said child's head. Creamies have no problem embracing traditional parenting hook, line, and sinker, trusting their doctors, the government, and the FDA without question or research (and throwing stones at less-traditional parenting all the while.) There's no grace on either side for following your own instincts, doing what's best for your family, and putting a little thought into parenting. It's heated and manages to put everyone on the defensive for one reason: we all want to be Supermom, and any hint that you're otherwise instantly and loudly translates to "YOU'RE A BAD PARENT!" My take on things? I have my opinions based on research and real life experience. I will follow my instincts and do what is best for my son and my family (and if it's NOT what turns out to be best for him or us, I will be flexible enough to change it), and I will not tell you about it or defend myself. And I promise that in 10 years, Jonah will be just fine... even if I AM getting an epidural.<br /><br />5) Morning sickness does not go away. It just returns with less predictable frequency. People need to stop the lies and admit this so first time moms don't think they're home free after their first few nausea-free days. <br /><br />6) I now am familiar with the location of my round ligaments, sciatic nerves, and several other anatomical landmarks I'll spare discussion of, and I can tell you with about 90% accuracy which tiny body part is poking, kicking, pummeling, or sitting on them.<br /><br />7) I'm not immune from anything I thought I would be. I have experienced nearly every disturbing, embarrassing, or downright hilarious pregnancy symptom at least once, and I no longer have any shame about it.<br /><br />8) Everything is sad. T-Mobile commercials, The Biggest Loser, grocery shopping, Tia falling off the couch, American Idol, one of my poor kiddoes having perpetually short pants, ARD meetings. I've cried over all of these things. I also have no shame about this. <br /><br />9) I will get no sleep after Jonah's born. No wait... I actually did know that, but for some reason people keep telling us like it's news. I thought I'd declare my knowledge of it.<br /><br />10) I can't wait :-).(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-60001811904437914922011-01-12T19:36:00.000-08:002011-01-12T20:38:55.809-08:00My Liberation(... or "Things I No Longer Care About, Not Even A Little")<br /><br />OK- I know my extended title sounds TERRIBLE, but allow me to explain. In the last 6 months or so, a number of people I went to college with have turned 30. I LOVE reading their Facebook statuses on that "fateful" day. Nearly without fail, they address the surely coming Decade of Doom with some sort of grave resolution. There's usually some sort of statement that essentially says "I've lived a good life, but tomorrow I'll be 30."<br /><br />I think I remember feeling the same way in the days leading up to 30, but when The Big Day came I remember thinking, "I'm 30. So what?" Some time later, I look back at 30 as sort of a watermark. It's the age before which I wouldn't choose to live again. Nothing in my 20's has been this awesome, thank you very much. <br /><br />Not only have all of my most incredible life moments occurred in my 30's, but there's a certain comfort in being an age where you're established and nearly everyone considers you an adult. It's been somewhat liberating to realize a few things about myself these last couple of years.<br /><br />1) I don't care, even a little bit, what your opinion is of my opinion. I made it for some reason, rational or not, and I'm entitled to it. Even if it's ridiculous. Even if it's blatantly, obviously incorrect to the rest of the world, it's mine. Respect it, because I have little doubt you have an equally ludicrous one hiding in your inner depths (which I will respect)<br /><br />2) By the same token, I don't care, even a little bit, if you disagree with me about something. You can disagree with me about religion, politics, fossil dating, or the color of the sky, and I will think of you exactly as I did before. I will respect your right to your beliefs just as I hope you will respect mine. I've had many meaningful friendships with people with whom I disagreed about nearly everything. It just makes you find their virtue in other areas instead of relying on common ground. <br /><br />3) I don't care, even a little bit, what you think of my housekeeping. I'm not a neatnik. I didn't marry a neatnik. We're not nasty... the food's put away, dishes are washed, and there are clean sheets and towels. There's also junk mail on the coffee table, dust on the armoire, and socks in the floor. We're happy, healthy, and comfortable. If I know you're coming, I'll clean. If not, I'll probably just clear a couple of dog toys off the couch for you. I don't foresee this changing anytime soon as I'd rather spend my valuable time with my husband and son as a family than testing laminate floor cleaners.<br /><br />4) I don't care, even a little, if you don't care for dogs. They live here, and I chose that. While I've chosen your friendship, you do not live here. I am aware that I have special needs dog. I will put him elsewhere for your safety if you're a stranger, but if he knows and loves you, he'll be around. Do NOT mistake this for not caring if you're afraid or allergic to dogs... I DO care about that!! I'm not that person.<br /><br />5) I don't care, even a little, how much your purse cost. If you tell me, I will smile because I'm probably thinking that I bought my purse AND the month's grocery staples for the same price as your purse.<br /><br />6) I don't care, even a little, if you think I'm cool. I will wear maternity pants, comfortable shoes, and gloves that do not match my scarf. I will dance in my car and sing loudly to 90's Boy Bands. I will have no clue what FloRida and Lady Gaga are talking about, but will sing along anyway. I will spend my Friday night watching COPS with my husband. None of those things make me who I am, and I'm not interested in making you think I'm anything else.<br /><br />7) I don't care, even a little, if you think I'm NOT cool. Some things, even funny, are inappropriate and I won't participate. I will not talk about certain things because I hold them sacred. I will turn certain songs off the radio or certain shows off the TV. I will not help you wound someone's spirit in the name of fun, nor will I knowingly stand by and let it happen. Because for all that I DON'T care about, I still care a great deal about being in the world, not of it.<br /><br />8) I don't care, even a little, for drama. If you have a genuine crisis, I will stand beside you to the end. If you're just bored without something happening, I promise I'll have a difficult time handling your self-made storm long term.<br /><br />9) I don't care, even a little, about your past. By that I mean it doesn't matter to me where you came from, only where you are now and where you're going. If you've wronged me, it's probably hurt, but I've thus far been able to forgive anything. If you haven't wronged me but just feel wrong, I don't care. Make peace with God and with yourself and stop caring, even a little, about the rest of us. In the end, you and God are all that matter.<br /><br />10) I don't care, even a little, how you feel about my decisions. This sort of combines several above points, but it's ultimately the MOST liberating thing I've learned. Especially in this season of change in my life. My life is much different than it was even a year ago... my perspective is different, my eternity is different, my needs are different. My frivolous choices don't matter in the long run and the biggies are made with one eye on what's best now and what's beneficial in the long run. HUGE choices are made with one eye on eternity. And I choose to assume that others make their decisions the same way. I may not understand yours just as you may not understand mine, but there's a reason for all decisions.<br /><br />And that's all I have to say about that :).(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-17224411550377271812010-12-28T20:24:00.000-08:002010-12-28T21:24:42.933-08:00A Letter to My SonMy son... surreal. Surreal to think, surreal to say, surreal to grasp. But his reality came flooding into my life today in a way I could never have prepared for. I watched him dance, watched and heard his heart beat, appreciated his perfectly formed heart, kidneys, and brain as only someone in healthcare can. But beyond watching a baby on a screen, I realized something deeper. This wasn't a baby I was watching; this was my baby. Two days in my life have moved me to tears repeatedly... this was the second. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXqNv2MGZYtJMg70cOaZDZTTrkJm9C7aOD77LQoM_pbfDNPfN5mx5Vnjk1wEODcCfdgxq6v5H61jNDUB77ea3oo7NOk8A6p9_kHeFaqwW13vL-H5WaN9ISCmvJ_niQBJPn7V0oXCDWqHI7/s1600/IMG_0128.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXqNv2MGZYtJMg70cOaZDZTTrkJm9C7aOD77LQoM_pbfDNPfN5mx5Vnjk1wEODcCfdgxq6v5H61jNDUB77ea3oo7NOk8A6p9_kHeFaqwW13vL-H5WaN9ISCmvJ_niQBJPn7V0oXCDWqHI7/s200/IMG_0128.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5555956851321457938" /></a><br /><br />If I could put it into words, it would go something like this:<br /><br />Dear Little One,<br /> On September 22nd, we found out you were heading our way. I cried, mostly out of sheer terror. Despite what many thought (though few said), you were not a "surprise."<br /> We let God choose the timing in which you'd come to be, but you were chosen, expected, and so very wanted... we just weren't sure quite when to expect you! But the Lord knows best and he chose to give you to us at the exact time His plan called for. You became my reality, but in an abstract way. <br /><br /> A few days later I saw you for the first time, and you scared me for the first time. With all the matter-of-factness required to survive as a doctor, Dr. W told me she wasn't sure you were viable. I realized at that moment just how much I wanted you, how I wanted God to hold you in His omniscient hands. Daddy was worried about me, but never about you. He knew you were safe. At that moment, you began to teach me about faith... and how little control I would have over the coming months. Maybe ever again. And you were a little more real to me.<br /><br /> A long two weeks later, we saw you two weeks bigger... dancing, tiny heart already beating in your little body; a body still unrecognizable as a person. And I knew you were still real. You were nice to me in those early weeks. Maybe a little too nice, as some days I wondered if something was wrong because I felt OK. As if you sensed that, the next day would be a bad day. I always found those days comforting because I knew you were still with me. You were still real.<br /><br /> The weeks have passed, precious boy. Nearly nineteen of them. I'm almost halfway to holding you in my arms. Yet until today, you were still only abstractly real... almost like a pen pal you've never met. Today I watched you on a screen as I had before, but today I saw a person. A perfectly formed brain. Four heart chambers. Kicking feet. Ribs and a spine. A perfect face resting between two folded arms. A little individual annoyed by the poking and prodding to the point of literally turning your back on us at one point. In a moment, a body became a person. A person became an individual. That individual became my son. You became my absolute, concrete, permanent, passionate reality. <br /><br /> Not that you weren't always real, but in literally a split second I knew who you were. You were mine and I was yours. I'm a mother... not that I wasn't before, but I understood it in a different way in that moment. <br /><br /> I worry about so much, little one. I worry about how to protect you for the next 21 weeks from things seen and things over which I have no control. I worry about the choices I have to make now and those I'll be making a few months from now. I worry about taking care of you. How am I supposed to keep you alive? I kill things. I do realize English ivy and little boys are actually different, but what are you going to need from me and how will I know?<br /><br /> I worry about not setting the Godly example for you I desire to. I worry that you won't see Him reflected in my life, that you'll have no idea of the joy and freedom of living in Christ. That you'll see our family's faith as a list of dos and don'ts, not a relationship that fulfills far beyond the "attractions" of this life.<br /><br /> I worry that I'll succumb to the easy route of giving you everything you want, that you'll grow up with no awareness of those around you or the world we live in. That you'll fail to see the blessings of your life or understand the importance of compassion and "doing life" with others. <br /><br /> I don't worry that you won't become a doctor or a lawyer. I don't worry about you being top of your class or a star athlete (although for the sanity of your poor momma please have some athletic abilities so I won't cringe everytime you play your chosen sports). I'm worried that I will fail you in the way that I see children failed by their parents every single day. Not in care and feeding and material provision, but in helping you to become a whole, productive, caring, principled man of God. I know that's years down the road, but it's a lifelong job for Daddy and I that begins with your first breath. I know I can stumble and fall and have to backtrack, but I cannot fail. The Lord has given you to us to raise to a man. It is our most significant responsibility... one of the few things that truly matters for the rest of our lives.<br /><br /> You're already teaching me, little one. Teaching me faith. Teaching me to look beyond myself and what I want. Teaching me that 13 weeks isn't too early for my hips to be killing me. We have so much to teach each other, to learn from each other, to learn together. You're already challenging me to stop being the picture and to become the frame.<br /><br />Grow now, Jonah. You've much to get done in the next few months. And so do I.<br /><br />I love you... more than I ever thought I could.(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-741090164878253972010-01-20T19:12:00.000-08:002010-01-20T19:13:00.429-08:00Tuning Back InI'm the worst. Blogger. Ever.<br /> <br />Seriously. For those not in the know, my life has changed radically and completely since I last blogged. In that time I have gone from perpetually single to girlfriend to fiance. If you're thinking "Well that was fast," you're right. But the beauty of being 30-something and single is that I know myself. I know what's important. I know what I want, what I need, and what's just fluff. And more importantly, God knows all those things too. In having Casey placed into my life at the right time, I've been blessed far beyond what I could ever have imagined. I will be the first to admit that I didn't always trust, and certainly didn't dare to hope, that God had a plan all along, but it's become so evident that He did! I can truly say that on June 19th, I will be marrying the other side of me.<br /> <br />So... June 19th! That's now less than 5 months away. I admit 2 days of sheer panic at first, but everything's coming together well and God has placed all the right people and opportunities in our path so far. Not that there won't be lots of work ahead of us (budgets stink!!), but it's all going to work out. I will become something of a DIY bride, so prepare for that :). Better a DIY bride than an "it's all about me" bridezilla, right?? Another good thing about being 30-something is that I have a very firm grasp on the fact that, in the long run, very little is about me. And that this is not about a wedding, it's about a marriage. <br /> <br />So... hmm... The end of 2009, aside from that development, came off rather mundanely. I'm still at the same address, still at the same job, still the same old me... just a little older and a little more busy. The beginning of 2010, as most of you know, was NOT my finest moment! A missed diagnoses on a Wednesday night landed me back in the ER on Friday. Within hours, my blood pressure had bottomed out and my blood oxygen level was struggling to stay above 90 (98-99 is normal for a healthy person). Those two things landed me in ICU at 3 in the morning on heavy duty meds and heavy duty oxygen. So it was a scary surprise to spend the first 5 days of 2010 hanging with the staff at Baylor Plano! But God was once again faithful and thanks to the prayers of friends, family, and people who barely know me, I recovered quickly.<br /> <br />That's the Cliff's Notes version of my life these days. I hope to check in more regularly!(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-24403145114678427872009-08-07T12:17:00.000-07:002009-08-07T12:44:23.607-07:00"It takes a long time...""...to grow an old friend." - John Leonard <br /><br />I just found myself staring at a picture of Stephanie and myself that has this quote printed on it. And it's true... 12 years in our case. And not always good, but we've always waited it out. <br /><br />Sometimes something that should have been so obvious all the time hits you all at once. This week, that epiphany has been about my friends and friendships. Sometimes I feel that my life is so incredibly small. I work, I come home, I sleep.... repeat x3, then break for a weekend. But this week I've been truly blessed to realize the enormity of my life.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5E-TvXStPvaAQIDkeRmZCahOhSrzw-gR1o0Qwp404hOi8CexPcRIljO9CO_2IXxhs0vRj-Qs6ihod6X0C0Gt6P8nEbHrStqcmnNHQivkegeWO9vcSQEpKThpbxcQyWAjoJ36mzdgjgCQ-/s1600-h/DSCF1016.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5E-TvXStPvaAQIDkeRmZCahOhSrzw-gR1o0Qwp404hOi8CexPcRIljO9CO_2IXxhs0vRj-Qs6ihod6X0C0Gt6P8nEbHrStqcmnNHQivkegeWO9vcSQEpKThpbxcQyWAjoJ36mzdgjgCQ-/s200/DSCF1016.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367309187062432482" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMYCpTgMTH7wObML6JxFog7npXk_I3LN8sHzVBMd542bA3Y_2wCS8NiuXbXdq73LE8q7gjlvbfmPwzv_Pz2yPT2uTPvBRIgg7a9OHVuUORFyaiWoTcG8sXwEKp8KItqS-otJ95FD6NuuFF/s1600-h/DSCF1086.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMYCpTgMTH7wObML6JxFog7npXk_I3LN8sHzVBMd542bA3Y_2wCS8NiuXbXdq73LE8q7gjlvbfmPwzv_Pz2yPT2uTPvBRIgg7a9OHVuUORFyaiWoTcG8sXwEKp8KItqS-otJ95FD6NuuFF/s200/DSCF1086.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367309167012735778" /></a><br />I have a great deal that most can't boast... a good education, a comfortable home, a reliable car, a steady job with a nearly guaranteed 40 hours a week and almost completely recession-proof. And relationships. With people who love me, who think of me. Who PRAY for me. Lately my time with friends has been limited and bittersweet. Life is taking us down different roads, but it's been even more meaningful to me to be shown and told in a hundred different ways that though my role in their lives has changed, my value hasn't. <br /><br />Change isn't always bad, I'm learning. I'm developing new friendships with the wonderful significant others that God has brought. I'm strengthening other, perhaps neglected, friendships. I'm growing into a new role in my life, in their lives, and in the life of our circle of friends. The past is sort of like my hometown... it's a nice place to visit, but you don't want to live there. The past has given me a million beautiful moments with these incredible women and men, but to stubbornly insist on staying in it is to miss out on a million more beautiful moments. And to refuse to grow and to become and to follow God's will for your life. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTT_fN6Uh9rM6W_0eSvjiZLPPhYlChcBQ2VkP3xYfYUblHh-P9XkCo9fLsB9mwPiFYPukX3NMdGTbccwcqhyphenhyphenMSXvwBQtt5x2psFYeuw_x2RS9KJvwFvN4tT2kuadh-mqC_9aTWQEJqU0wI/s1600-h/DSCF1247.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTT_fN6Uh9rM6W_0eSvjiZLPPhYlChcBQ2VkP3xYfYUblHh-P9XkCo9fLsB9mwPiFYPukX3NMdGTbccwcqhyphenhyphenMSXvwBQtt5x2psFYeuw_x2RS9KJvwFvN4tT2kuadh-mqC_9aTWQEJqU0wI/s200/DSCF1247.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367309177647946706" /></a><br />There's not much point in this but to say that God has blessed me far beyond what I deserve in many, many ways, but the one thing that I couldn't withstand losing tomorrow are my friends. They are really, very truly, worth more than gold in my life. My family is incredible, but my friends have chosen me. I don't always know why, but they have. And I love them. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMYCpTgMTH7wObML6JxFog7npXk_I3LN8sHzVBMd542bA3Y_2wCS8NiuXbXdq73LE8q7gjlvbfmPwzv_Pz2yPT2uTPvBRIgg7a9OHVuUORFyaiWoTcG8sXwEKp8KItqS-otJ95FD6NuuFF/s1600-h/DSCF1086.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMYCpTgMTH7wObML6JxFog7npXk_I3LN8sHzVBMd542bA3Y_2wCS8NiuXbXdq73LE8q7gjlvbfmPwzv_Pz2yPT2uTPvBRIgg7a9OHVuUORFyaiWoTcG8sXwEKp8KItqS-otJ95FD6NuuFF/s200/DSCF1086.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5367309167012735778" /></a><br />"My friends are my estate." Emily Dickinson(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-78417638390156651522009-07-12T16:32:00.000-07:002009-07-12T17:53:30.383-07:00Old HabitsSeems I've fallen into old blogging habits... sorry about that!<br /><br />The last few weeks have found me busying myself around the house mostly. I've textured and painted a hall and a bathroom, changed lights fixtures, helped my dad finish a deck, etc., etc., etc. It's been good and it all needs to be done, but it's exhausting!! I'm especially excited about my beautiful new deck (thanks dad!!) and can't wait until it's not 105 one day so I can enjoy it! <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieGAHhJumRedfuizfq6TfUQvMJ_1xdt104x36rkxUPKcwc0Zd6mdBGfJSib3CjnflAVS6NwXOmIy193dKg24ei4Z-CDT0dVRK91Vw7bnatEQL4MiDG6fPs8fB3n3NkSGYCmU3sTtcuXQJj/s1600-h/DSCF1450.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieGAHhJumRedfuizfq6TfUQvMJ_1xdt104x36rkxUPKcwc0Zd6mdBGfJSib3CjnflAVS6NwXOmIy193dKg24ei4Z-CDT0dVRK91Vw7bnatEQL4MiDG6fPs8fB3n3NkSGYCmU3sTtcuXQJj/s320/DSCF1450.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5357722096083238098" /></a><br /><br />Life has been many things lately... blah, stressful, anticlimactic, frustrating, lonely, tedious. Don't get me wrong. It hasn't really been bad, but good isn't a word I'd use either. It's truly a time when I just... am. <br /><br />Work is a maniacal mess. The hospital is in the widow for a visit from the Joint Commission, so we're all suffering. That's not an exaggeration. Daily there are new things we're supposed to do and check and follow through with in addition to our paperwork, billing, authorizations, report writing, and... oh yeah... actually seeing patients. And we're supposed to do it all without an ounce of overtime. My view is that if you're been doing your job correctly all along, you don't need to panic. All the same, it's not been the most pleasant few weeks. If I didn't have to stay 'til January to be fully vested in my retirement matching....<br /><br />Personally, I seem to be between cycles of friends right now and that makes me sad. I miss the way things used to be and having plans on the weekends. It's been great for my productivity though!! It doesn't help matters to be between churches as well. Well, not really between churches so much as not going at all. I intend to start looking again soon, but right now I need a break. It's just so hard to find what I need, and I'm so tired of churches ignoring us! But not that soapbox again... I just desperately miss connecting with people and being a part of something, not to mention having things to look forward to.<br /><br />So... yeah. That's life right now. See why I haven't felt the need to update??<br /><br />Until next time.(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-79368543844027104352009-06-20T11:34:00.000-07:002009-06-20T11:58:36.154-07:00Boston"I think I'm going to Boston/I think I'll start a new life... I think I need a sunrise/I'm tired of a sunset" -Augustana<br /><br />Days like this, it's a good thing that I have a mortgage. I. Am. So. Restless.<br /><br />I'm not a restless person by nature, it's just that life is in a rut right now. A year ago, life was great. I had a tight core of friends that did stuff together every weekend. We took road trips. We went to events. We did life together. I could talk to them about anything, and I belonged. I was in a new job and I was excited about the potential. I just felt like I had the roots I had longed for.<br /><br />Fast forward to today. For the second time in the seven years I've been here, my church family has been destroyed by leadership that places a premium on family and turns a blind eye to the needs of those who have to create their own. I'm homeless once again. My friends have scattered, have coupled, have gone their own way. I still talk to those I was closest to, but we find ourselves more catching up than solving the problems of the universe. I still have a wonderful job that I'm VERY thankful for, but it's getting tedious. I have spent 3 of the last 4 weekends at home alone with no plans. And for the first time in a long time, I just want to cry. I never planned to do life alone.<br /><br />Cry then bolt. Whether or not I actually would is another issue, but I feel very strongly today that if I didn't have a mortgage, I'd be job seeking elsewhere today instead of texturing my walls. Sometimes you just need a sunrise. Sometimes you feel that your path is ending, that it's time to find another. But I don't have that option readily available to me today. I can't just decide to go. So I need to find a way to broaden that path. To find things on the side of the path that make the path less tedious and more like a treasure hunt. I'm trying to get out of my box. Volunteering. Finding social opportunities. Hopefully finding a church that meets my needs (and hopefully not taking 2 years to do it this time...).<br /><br />Maybe it's the 7-year-itch. Maybe it's that all the people I stayed put for are becoming squared away in their own lives. Maybe I'm tired of traffic and noise and complication. Maybe God's kicked my legs out from under me because I'm not listening. It doesn't matter why (well, unless it's that last one). I can't go to Boston. Or Houston. Or back to the safety of my home town or of Longview. My responsibilities are here, I've been placed here, and here I stand. I just gotta bloom where I'm planted.(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-11600082285568418652009-06-18T17:14:00.000-07:002009-06-18T17:40:19.483-07:00Running just to catch myselfI love Thursday nights. I don't work tomorrow, but everyone else does. So I feel no guilt about spending the evening in a t-shirt and underpants (TMI?) cleaning the kitchen and eating half a PB&J for dinner. Later I'll stay up until midnight and sip a glass of cheap Merlot while watching old episodes of Frasier. On Thursdays, I don't feel like I'm a loser because I don't have plans or like I should be out using my time wisely. Not yet anyhow... give me 12 hours.<br /><br />The last 10 days have been humdrum at best, frankly. One night of stormage left us without power for 33 hours and I had to toss my Boca Burgers and sugar-free ice cream. Bummer. Fortunately we didn't lose trees or shingles or a fence (despite what I feared when I looked out the window), and most importantly we were safe. I also "got" to go to jury duty for the first time ever (being in school for so long does have its advantages :) ). A half day later, I had re-experienced mass transit, learned the differences between American and Israeli airlines, and been hit on by at least one guy who was clearly either clueless about or disinterested in the social ramifications of wearing headphones. There may have been more, but I was smart enough to not remove my headphones again :). <br /><br />My weight loss has slowed to a relaxed crawl, so I've taken up running of late to at least get some firming up done. I'm between 10-15 lbs from goal (depending on the day), but who knows where I'll end up. It's continuously surreal to pass a mirror even though my body isn't changing so quickly anymore. I still expect to see the old me every time. I'm up to between 1.5-2.0 miles at a time running now. I've had to move it indoors because I also recently discovered that I don't sweat enough to keep my body temp regulated anymore. Maybe I should re-title this entry "TMI." Now that the temps are regularly in the upper 90's, sweat is important. I have discovered that treadmill running isn't so bad... My running goal is to do a 5K in the fall. Not too bad considering where I've come from!<br /><br />I'm still at The Heights for now, but I've slowly come to the realization it may be time to move on. I can't explain it and I'm not sure I want to, but I feel that the time has come. Where to go? I have no idea and no leads, but I need to find a place where I fit and where getting up to go on a Sunday is something I look forward to again instead of something I wish I hadn't done halfway through every worship service. So I suspect that it's about time to prayerfully re-embark on a search for a church home. I wish things were different. Actually I wish they were the same....<br /><br />That's all I got for now. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get on with my busy night of cheap wine and PB&J. Not to mention complete fruit fly annihilation...(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-72440013777360481112009-06-08T19:27:00.000-07:002009-06-08T19:49:25.902-07:00Things that make me smileIn this companion to last night's post, "Catching up," (or "Things that Bum Me Out"), I thought I'd share some things I'd been thinking about today. All told, I'm a fairly simple person. I want what everyone wants: Freedom, to love and to be loved, to be secure, and to be content. Not happy, content. To me, happiness is an emotion and contentment is a lifestyle you choose to live, even when your co-worker accidently wears your shoes home and you have to walk across scorching hot pavement and drive home in your socks (guess what happened to me today? :). It's a choice to keep laughing (or at least keep walking) when life piles one thing after another on your crap sandwich of a day. <br /><br />I've found, with all that I have and all that I do, it's simplicity that really makes life worth living. Here are some things that make me walk away smiling. Feel free to add your own!<br /><br />-Thunderstorms<br />-Laughter, especially children<br />-My phone ringing (even if I don't answer it, I smile because someone somewhere thought of me at that moment)<br />-Stars<br />-Crisp air<br />-Bubbles<br />-Coffee<br />-Peanut Butter<br />-Hugs with momentum (sometimes they get a running start from across the lobby :)<br />-Fitting in a plane seat the first (and second, and third, and fourth) times in my life<br />-My friends' voices<br />-A hymn in harmony<br />-Lightning bugs<br />-Memories<br />-Seeing my friends happy<br />-My hammock<br />-Laying in my hammock balanced under 3 dogs<br />-E-mail<br />-Text messages for no real reason<br />-Daydreaming<br />-Dancing like nobody's watching (and hopefully they're not ;)<br />-A glass of wine<br />-Pajamas<br />-Being a part of something<br />-Fresh air<br />-Hugs with momentum (sometimes they get a running start...)<br />-Little heads on my shoulder<br />-Little arms around my neck (or knees... whatever they can reach)<br />-Little voices saying my name<br />-Little victories<br /><br />Smiling yet? Today I'm tired and grouchy and a little stressed out, but I wanted to turn the tide by counting my blessings, and a long day got a little more golden.(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-29227812304434244532009-06-07T18:10:00.000-07:002009-06-07T18:40:03.917-07:00Catching upSo I didn't update the next day. Or the next. But I'm doing it now :).<br /><br />Life over the last year has been a continuous reel of newness. As a die-hard changephobe, that hasn't always been good. Fortunately *my* life has changed very little, for better or for worse. I say that, but in the same way, everything has changed. <br /><br />What hasn't changed: I'm still a speech pathologist, DIY diva, dog mom, SUV driver, coffeephile, friend to as many or more as last year. I still love God, my momma and daddy, my friends, and TiVo. I'm still, to date, perpetually single. This will eventually work out well for many of you when you need babysitters. I still love to travel, even though I'm out of travel buddies and will likely take my next vacation alone. <br /><br />Everything else around me has changed. I'm the only one of my friends that's single. Don't get me wrong... I'm really glad for them, and it's a great joy to see them all happy. But it becomes increasingly difficult to watch everyone else's life change and go through all the exciting phases while mine seems to be passing me by. It's increasingly difficult to look at it as waiting on God instead of wondering "what's wrong with ME?" or asking "why does God love them more than me?" And you can ask Stephanie.... I lose that battle a lot lately. It's hard to know what role I play in their lives now. It's difficult to realize that their role in my life hasn't changed. I need them as much as I ever did. But my role in their lives has. They don't need me as much. I don't get to hang out or talk to them very often at all, and that's bittersweet because I know they're happy. But as a "quality time" person, this kills me.<br /><br />Fortunately, I've learned to look at a lot of things about life differently. I've learned to rethink a lot of things, and to look at life through clear eyes and not colored by my feelings about my personal appearance. I take on new opportunities gladly and without fear, and that's a new thing for me. I'm discovering my worth and how to forgive myself. And for all the ups and downs and twists and turns that life has taken me on the last few months, I've needed that new point of view. All in all, life is good. Boring (for me) but good. <br /><br />I'm praying for new opportunities and to be shown the ones that I'm to take. For the opportunity to serve in everyday things and in everyday ways. To not think so hard about life as a destination, but a journey. Life is hard, but God is good. And I am blessed.<br /><br />So to sum up: Nothing's changed. Everything's changed. Life is good. God is better.<br /><br />Now I can start dealing in the present. Stay tuned if I haven't bored you to death already :).(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-251238514813261484.post-82909651519256559672009-06-03T19:44:00.000-07:002009-06-03T19:57:40.235-07:00We meet again, old friends"Try something new tomorrow." This is what the inside of my Dove dark chocolate wrapper says. I'm currently staring at it as it mocks me. Thing is, tomorrow's Thursday. I'll get up at 6:30, flat iron my hair, pour a cup of coffee and rush out the door. I'll pull into the parking lot between 7:26 and 7:28, and I'll pull out between 6:08 and 6:15. I'll drive home, praying all the way that Central isn't backed up, and arrive home between 6:32 (if it's not backed up) and 6:42 (if it is). And of course I'll be tired. This is my typical workday, and it doesn't allow time for anything new. It's a small life packed into a long day, but it's mine. Not that I don't like it when things are shaken up, they just never are. <br /><br />So tonight I decided to do something new. You know, in case I can't pack it into my busy Thursday. I'm giving this blog thing another shot. Beholdthepowerofsadie.blogspot.com hasn't exactly been laid to rest, it's just that we've weathered a lot of years together, and sometimes it's better to start over. I've done alot of that the last year. So while I can read the old blog whenever I need to to remember, you no longer can. It's better this way.<br /><br />That said, here we are again friends. I'll try to update more frequently that I did before if you promise not to tire of the mundane and read anyway. It's hard to maintain blogging momentum when you're the only person you know whose life NEVER changes, but I'll try. Thanks for being a part of my life, and allowing me to be part of yours.<br /><br />I'll update tomorrow. Maybe. But it's 9:57. I have to sleep in 3 minutes.(Re)Beccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14531881050885702949noreply@blogger.com1