My Teacup List

Two years ago right now, I was completely, 100% single. One year ago right now, I was pouring all my energy into wedding planning. Right now... well we all know where I am.

Yes... I move quickly. Let's move on :-).

Last week, Casey and I were standing outside the Bellagio in Las Vegas, when the guy next to us at the railing announced that seeing the Fountains of Bellagio at night was on his bucket list. Now, I can't think of a single thing I want to experience in my life that's set to "My Heart Will Go On," but he made me think. I'm not making a bucket list... I feel like my life has only just begun (finally!!) and I intend to delight in it all for a really long time.

But there's that little matter of Jonah. In right around 10 weeks (give or take... it's really up to him!), he will usher in a new life for me. So before my time, my choices, my actions cease to belong pretty much solely to me, I'm making a mini bucket list. I call it "My Teacup List." I figure one a week oughtn't be TOO hard... right?? So between the nesting, the planning, the all consuming baby prep, Momma wants to take care of a few things.

1) Finish a book. I'm very embarrassed to admit that the last book I read all the way through was "Breaking Dawn." About 2 years ago. Since then, I've started several... most of which had the word "Shopaholic" in the title... but never manage to budget time to get through them. This book CANNOT be "The Mother of All Baby Books" which I recently started in a sheer panic when I realized that I'm not worried about RAISING children... I have no clue how to keep them alive.

2) Take a long, semi-hot bath. Not too hot, of course, because my body doesn't really belong to me right now. But a nice, long, soaking bath would be nice. The problem with this is that I don't have a bathtub I can fit into, so I may have to road trip to my mother's or rent a hotel room.

3) Have a date night with my hubby that doesn't involve Papa John's and RedBox. Not because we're cheap, but because there has been a marked decrease in energy the past, oh, 30 weeks :). Sometimes I think back and remember that we got married because we actually genuinely enjoy each other, and I want to make sure we don't forget that between the decisions and the projects and the day-to-day-ness of life.

4) Get a massage and a pedicure. I can practically hear my OB clucking at me from here, but MAN my feet are wrecked. While this doesn't bother me while I'm up and moving, which is most of the time, when I do stop, look down, notice my swollen ankles, and sit down, I'm feel sorry for the poor guys. As for the massage, I'll just never say no to that!

5) Have a date night with my hubby that doesn't involve Papa John's and RedBox. I know I just said that, but the more I think about it, the more important it seems :-).

6) Host a gathering of some sort. Most of you know that I LOVE to have people over. I haven't done it in ages because.. well... my house has been a garage sale staging area for close to a year now. Just can't clean around that. Still... it's my love, and taking care of people is strangely relaxing for me.

7) Make a wedding album. For some reason, my obsession right now (besides hot dogs for whatever inexplicable reason) is to finally get wedding pictures printed and framed. Then I realized that we don't even have a wedding photo album. That's on my hit list. I want to be able to sit down and remember that day without having to sit at my computer and open iPhoto.

8) Spend a day on the couch in my pajamas and not feel even a little bit guilty. Maybe re-watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy again. I know there will be many, many days this summer where I don't get out of my pajamas, but those days will be about Jonah, about meeting his needs, about bonding as a family. I just want one day where I can kill the nesting bug, not care if the dishes are dirty, the laundry's folded, or there's junk mail on the coffee table, and enjoy it.

9) Take a day trip. Go to the lake, have a picnic, see something. Or nothing. I'll be pretty much home bound in a few short weeks, so breathing fresh air and focusing on nothing instead of everything is in order.

10) Count my blessings. The last two years... Busy? Yes. Insane? For some. Incredible? No doubt. God has blessed my life far beyond what I'd hoped, and infinitely more than I have deserved. I know that parenting, like marriage and like singleness before it, will bring days of unspeakable joy. Of intangible sorrow. Of having to place my son, may family, myself in God's hands over and over and over again. But bitter or sweet, each day will be incredible.

Notes From the Underbelly

Does anyone else remember that show? I remember liking it, but then it disappeared into that vortex that seems to crave mid-season sitcoms. Just came back to me while I was scanning my brain for titles :).

So, 27.5 weeks have come and gone. 12.5 to go until due day. Let's not dwell on that now.... I have a carseat and a lot of onesies, a quarter painted and three-quarters textured room, and a borrowed swing. If I think about it, I'll feel overwhelmed, and I'm SO not in the mood for that today :-).

No... today's locomotive of pontification centers around things I've learned or noticed in these nearly 28 weeks.

1) I don't like people as much as I used to. I don't really have any explanation or anecdotes to go with this, it just occurred to me today that I wish a little more every day that I had any sort of technological aptitude so I didn't have to deal with them all the time. I've found myself backing out of relationships that were parasitical, budgeting time with people who have only negativity to share, and wanting to run screaming from anyone with parenting advice... especially those who have parented children I in no way want to replicate. Maybe I SHOULD listen to their advice, actually...

2) I miss pants with zippers. They have a way of holding in all of my abdomen's dirty little secrets and making it look like it's not so bad. I keep waiting for my belly to move from it's present "baby muffin-top" status to regular "baby belly" status and pick up the abdominal slack. So far no luck. Having said that, I can practically hear people lining up to bring to me to my next point...

3) I have grown to hate the words "just wait" more than any phrase in the English language. My real beef here is that they almost ALWAYS come after someone asks how I'm doing. Whether my answer is positive or negative, the reply almost always begins with the words "just wait." "Just wait until you can't tie your own shoes." "Just wait until he's sitting so low you can't walk." "Just wait until you HAVE that baby belly that takes up all the abdominal slack." "Just wait until he's born... you'll be more busy/get less sleep/have less money than you ever dreamed." I do realize that all women have the need to share the pregnancy experience, and at it's root I find this charming and a truly precious connection. The reality of it is that a) I just answered the questions I was asked... I didn't ask how I'd feel in 6 weeks, and b) I don't want to anticipate misery. I'm not always comfortable, but I'm determined to not always be negative about it. I have to be pregnant 12-14 more weeks (PLEASE not 14, Lord!!), and I want to continue to enjoy the last few weeks alone with my precious husband in our comfy little life... even if that life now includes a large c-shaped body pillow and a belly wedge.

4) Everyone has the best way to raise children, and any way in which you disagree is harming your child. I have been a middle-class, Caucasian, reasonably Conservative evangelical church-going Christian for most of my life and have traveled in the same circles, and never in my life have I experienced what I've seen, heard, and read since I've been pregnant. The dogma and propaganda is real, and it's passionate. Crunchy parents have no problem telling Creamy parents they're bad parents by not co-sleeping, not nursing until the kiddo's in kindergarten, not wearing their child on their stomach 24/7, by vaccinating, or for (**gasps**) having to go back to work to keep a roof over said child's head. Creamies have no problem embracing traditional parenting hook, line, and sinker, trusting their doctors, the government, and the FDA without question or research (and throwing stones at less-traditional parenting all the while.) There's no grace on either side for following your own instincts, doing what's best for your family, and putting a little thought into parenting. It's heated and manages to put everyone on the defensive for one reason: we all want to be Supermom, and any hint that you're otherwise instantly and loudly translates to "YOU'RE A BAD PARENT!" My take on things? I have my opinions based on research and real life experience. I will follow my instincts and do what is best for my son and my family (and if it's NOT what turns out to be best for him or us, I will be flexible enough to change it), and I will not tell you about it or defend myself. And I promise that in 10 years, Jonah will be just fine... even if I AM getting an epidural.

5) Morning sickness does not go away. It just returns with less predictable frequency. People need to stop the lies and admit this so first time moms don't think they're home free after their first few nausea-free days.

6) I now am familiar with the location of my round ligaments, sciatic nerves, and several other anatomical landmarks I'll spare discussion of, and I can tell you with about 90% accuracy which tiny body part is poking, kicking, pummeling, or sitting on them.

7) I'm not immune from anything I thought I would be. I have experienced nearly every disturbing, embarrassing, or downright hilarious pregnancy symptom at least once, and I no longer have any shame about it.

8) Everything is sad. T-Mobile commercials, The Biggest Loser, grocery shopping, Tia falling off the couch, American Idol, one of my poor kiddoes having perpetually short pants, ARD meetings. I've cried over all of these things. I also have no shame about this.

9) I will get no sleep after Jonah's born. No wait... I actually did know that, but for some reason people keep telling us like it's news. I thought I'd declare my knowledge of it.

10) I can't wait :-).