My Liberation

(... or "Things I No Longer Care About, Not Even A Little")

OK- I know my extended title sounds TERRIBLE, but allow me to explain. In the last 6 months or so, a number of people I went to college with have turned 30. I LOVE reading their Facebook statuses on that "fateful" day. Nearly without fail, they address the surely coming Decade of Doom with some sort of grave resolution. There's usually some sort of statement that essentially says "I've lived a good life, but tomorrow I'll be 30."

I think I remember feeling the same way in the days leading up to 30, but when The Big Day came I remember thinking, "I'm 30. So what?" Some time later, I look back at 30 as sort of a watermark. It's the age before which I wouldn't choose to live again. Nothing in my 20's has been this awesome, thank you very much.

Not only have all of my most incredible life moments occurred in my 30's, but there's a certain comfort in being an age where you're established and nearly everyone considers you an adult. It's been somewhat liberating to realize a few things about myself these last couple of years.

1) I don't care, even a little bit, what your opinion is of my opinion. I made it for some reason, rational or not, and I'm entitled to it. Even if it's ridiculous. Even if it's blatantly, obviously incorrect to the rest of the world, it's mine. Respect it, because I have little doubt you have an equally ludicrous one hiding in your inner depths (which I will respect)

2) By the same token, I don't care, even a little bit, if you disagree with me about something. You can disagree with me about religion, politics, fossil dating, or the color of the sky, and I will think of you exactly as I did before. I will respect your right to your beliefs just as I hope you will respect mine. I've had many meaningful friendships with people with whom I disagreed about nearly everything. It just makes you find their virtue in other areas instead of relying on common ground.

3) I don't care, even a little bit, what you think of my housekeeping. I'm not a neatnik. I didn't marry a neatnik. We're not nasty... the food's put away, dishes are washed, and there are clean sheets and towels. There's also junk mail on the coffee table, dust on the armoire, and socks in the floor. We're happy, healthy, and comfortable. If I know you're coming, I'll clean. If not, I'll probably just clear a couple of dog toys off the couch for you. I don't foresee this changing anytime soon as I'd rather spend my valuable time with my husband and son as a family than testing laminate floor cleaners.

4) I don't care, even a little, if you don't care for dogs. They live here, and I chose that. While I've chosen your friendship, you do not live here. I am aware that I have special needs dog. I will put him elsewhere for your safety if you're a stranger, but if he knows and loves you, he'll be around. Do NOT mistake this for not caring if you're afraid or allergic to dogs... I DO care about that!! I'm not that person.

5) I don't care, even a little, how much your purse cost. If you tell me, I will smile because I'm probably thinking that I bought my purse AND the month's grocery staples for the same price as your purse.

6) I don't care, even a little, if you think I'm cool. I will wear maternity pants, comfortable shoes, and gloves that do not match my scarf. I will dance in my car and sing loudly to 90's Boy Bands. I will have no clue what FloRida and Lady Gaga are talking about, but will sing along anyway. I will spend my Friday night watching COPS with my husband. None of those things make me who I am, and I'm not interested in making you think I'm anything else.

7) I don't care, even a little, if you think I'm NOT cool. Some things, even funny, are inappropriate and I won't participate. I will not talk about certain things because I hold them sacred. I will turn certain songs off the radio or certain shows off the TV. I will not help you wound someone's spirit in the name of fun, nor will I knowingly stand by and let it happen. Because for all that I DON'T care about, I still care a great deal about being in the world, not of it.

8) I don't care, even a little, for drama. If you have a genuine crisis, I will stand beside you to the end. If you're just bored without something happening, I promise I'll have a difficult time handling your self-made storm long term.

9) I don't care, even a little, about your past. By that I mean it doesn't matter to me where you came from, only where you are now and where you're going. If you've wronged me, it's probably hurt, but I've thus far been able to forgive anything. If you haven't wronged me but just feel wrong, I don't care. Make peace with God and with yourself and stop caring, even a little, about the rest of us. In the end, you and God are all that matter.

10) I don't care, even a little, how you feel about my decisions. This sort of combines several above points, but it's ultimately the MOST liberating thing I've learned. Especially in this season of change in my life. My life is much different than it was even a year ago... my perspective is different, my eternity is different, my needs are different. My frivolous choices don't matter in the long run and the biggies are made with one eye on what's best now and what's beneficial in the long run. HUGE choices are made with one eye on eternity. And I choose to assume that others make their decisions the same way. I may not understand yours just as you may not understand mine, but there's a reason for all decisions.

And that's all I have to say about that :).