Bigger Than the Boogieman

I will start by saying, as great as it sounds in the middle of a fatiguing workday, bedrest inhales profusely. I'm not sick, really not tired, just... in bed. I have bathroom "priviledges," although there comes a point in pregnancy when the bathroom is not a priviledge... it's a necessity. So for 48 hours now, my entire world has been encompassed in about a 15 foot circle. And the light at the end of my 15 foot tunnel is about 2 weeks away... But it's OK. As stir crazy as I already am (and will be SO much more so if I don't get to go home on Monday), it's for a greater cause. Not necessarily one that I understand right now, but I know I will see it clearly one day.

I don't think this is about Jonah, not really. Like so many other moments in my life, I think this is about Rebecca. This is about Rebecca taking control, mastering her own destiny, worrying. This is about Rebecca creating too much noise in her own life to Be Still.

I've had time to look back over the last week, and it's incredible to be able to see the hand of God in ending up where we are right now. So many little details, meaningless individually, adding up to preparation for what we never saw coming.

After spending months in no particular hurry to get things done in the nursery, we have, in a week's time textured the wall, painted the room, and bought, cut, painted, and hung chair rail. We also finished buying all the furniture in the last week, though we haven't put it together because the room wasn't finished.

After spending months poking around at getting things organized for maternity leave, I maniacally spent the beginning part of this week finishing spreadsheets, updating folders, and organizing materials. I still didn't get everything finished, but I had things in such an order that I was able to tell someone else how to finish getting things where others could find them.

On a whim one day this week I happened to ask Casey what the best way to find him in the middle of a work day was. Two days later I had to do it.

On Tuesday, my little boy stopped his usual activity level. I was busy, so I didn't notice. I hurt, but I was busy and didn't listen to my body. I became very ill and was in alot of pain, but I was busy and didn't pay attention. By Wednesday, I became aware enough of his decreased movement to become concerned, and instantly I knew in my gut that I needed to be checked out. After what was likely the longest 20mile drive of my life, I sat down in Dr. Wagman's waiting room. Not 5 mintues later, Jonah resumed his normal movement and hasn't stopped since. God used this little punk of a boy to get me where I needed to be at that moment. I didn't pay attention to my body, but I listened to him. He was (and is) perfect. I needed to Be Still.

God is definitely bigger than the boogieman. Louder than the noise, the worry, the control we think we wield over our own lives. I'm completely out of control here. I have no idea when I'm going home, when I'm going to deliver this little one, how we're going to survive without the pay I'm about to get docked. But He's bigger than panic or a paycheck. I just need to Be Still.