Friday, April 15, 2011

Recliner Chronicles: Bedrest, Day 9

I have learned a lot of things the last 9 days, both about myself and the world in general. Turns out that having to WORK for a living really deprives you of all the up-to-the-minute details of what's going on in the world.

I have learned that Maury is, in fact, NOT a one-trick pony. Yes, he can still be counted on to identify your baby daddy from the 11 choices you brought to New York for testing, but about once a week he will also offer a lie detector to see if your Significant Other **really** took those scandalous pics of himself to send to you and not some other... er... girl.

My dogs REALLY think that everytime I leave the room, I'm gone forever.

You can alleviate tailbone pain by creating and adhering to a strict buttockal rotation schedule (center, right cheek, center, left cheek, center, right sidelying, center, left sidelying). This works for 3 hours. After that, Tylenol and a change of furniture are your only options.

Pick a show... any show. It's still on somewhere at some time of the day. And it's far worse than you remember.

My iPhone lives to suck up to me so I keep paying the exorbitant fees required to maintain it. I haven't lost a game in 8 days... there's NO way I'm that much of a Cribbage Rockstar.

Reality TV looks more real all the time.

I'm far more picky than I thought. When I take care of myself, I just know to toss my salad with the dressing if I expect me to eat it, not to pour my soda over ice if I expect me to drink it, and for the love of all that is good butter my toast, but only put jelly on half of it. When other people are taking care of you and you have to say all these things out loud, it makes you sound high maintainance... even to yourself.

I haven't had a Nutter Butter in 15 years. I like them.

When going to the bathroom is the only reason you're supposed to get up, you stay very well hydrated :).

All that junk on QVC is starting to look really good... I never realized how versatile a velour jumpsuit can be.

The fine people at have now brought us several more websites... and they're every bit as awe-inspiring as the original concept.

And just think... I still have about 11 more days to go! Oh, the things I can learn!!


Bonnie said...

Have Casey get you a donut pillow for your tailbone. I used one for a week or two after each of my first three pregnancies. Makes a huge difference.

Christine said...

This made me chuckle a bit - particularly the parts about the butt rotation, staying hydrated, and figuring out how you feel high maintenance when someone else is taking care of you. I remember all of that (particularly the achy tailbone). Never watched QVC, but I did check out a wide variety of the reality shows and lived for my laptop. Hang in there! It goes much quicker than you think and before long you'll have baby Jonah and you might even look back at this with fondness. Like you mentioned before, it really is a time of forced stillness and quietness which can be nice. Plus, with all my visitors from church and family - I've never prayed so much as I did then. If you need anything, I'm happy to help since I'm home all day. Just let me know.